What do you want to do?

Seems like a simple question, doesn't it?

I remember a friend asking me this close to ten years ago.   He had asked me what I wanted to do after graduating and I mentioned something along the lines of whatever would make my family happy.

I actually didn't see it as my own choice to make.  I saw my life as an optimization problem where my task was to do whatever would be most pleasing to people around me.   I was quite content with that.

My friend wasn't.

He tried to ask me what I wanted to do.   I told him it doesn't matter what I wanted to do and so I never really put much thought into it.  I didn't know what I wanted to do and I wasn't too keen on figuring it out.  I honestly didn't think that what I wanted was important.  My plan was to do whatever I needed to do, to do my duty and do what was needed of me.

My, how things have changed...

Now, I find myself devoting much of my time trying to figure out the answer to that question that I didn't even think was worth answering.  What do I want to do?

If I've learned anything in the past few years, it's that I don't want to do what I don't want to do.  It's just too hard.  And painful.  And frustrating.  And a waste of my time and effort.  A waste of my life.

So, while I have the luxury and the opportunity to do it, I'm going to spend some time trying to figure out some answers.  Because now, I want to do what I want to do.