Chivalry

The definition of chivalry (تَعْرَيفُ الفُتُوَة) by Habib Ali Al-Jifri:

هِيَ قُوَّةٌ مُتَبَصِّرَةٌ كَامِنَةٌ

It is a Strength, possessing Insight, which is Internalized,

تَنْفَعِلُ لِنُصْرَةِ الحَقِّ

which Reacts in order to give Victory to Truth.

الْإِخْلَاصُ مَقَْصِدُهَا و الأخْلَاقُ مُرْشِدَهَا

Sincerity it its Goal, Good Character is its Guide

 و الرَّحْمَةُ بَاطِنُهَا و التَّغْيِيرُ ظَاهِرُهَا

Mercy is its Inward, and Bringing about Change is its Outward.

فَكُلّ مَا لَا تَجْتَمِعُ فيه هذه المُوَاصَفَاتِ فَلَيْسَ بِالْفُتُوَة

And everything which doesn't combine all of these attributes is not considered Chivalry.

هي قوَّةٌ تَكُونُ في الجَسَدِ و تَكُونُ في النَّفْسِ

So it is a Power that exists in the Body and in the Self

 و تَكُونُ في الْعَقْلِ و تَكُونُ في الرُّوحِ 

and in the Mind and in the Spirit.

Even a smile is charity

Our Girl Guide and Brownie unit was selling cookies today in front of the Metro at Liberty Village.  We had our cartons of cookies stacked in a little display near the store's entrance.  The girls were carrying a box in each hand (later reduced to only one box carried with both hands because too many boxes were getting dropped), eager to display their wares and sell them to interested customers.  Each time anyone came approached the door, the girls would ask, in the sweetest way they could, and often in unison, "Would you like to buy some Girl Guide cookies?"

Lots of people did.  In fact, we completely ran out of cookies about 10 minutes before the girls were getting picked up by their parents.  It was great.

But of course, not everyone bought cookies.  Lots of people walked right past us.  Some were busy talking on their phones.  Some completely ignored us.

And some would say "No, thank you." or "Sorry, I've already bought a bunch of cookies from my (friend/niece/grand daughter/etc.)" or "No, thanks, but good luck on the campaign!" and they would smile.

We appreciated that.

It also made a difference.

Exclusion

There is a hadith that says, if three people are together, two of them should not whisper to each other in the presence of the third because it would sadden him.

I always thought that third person would be hurt because he would think that the other two were whispering about him.

I realized recently that it's not just that.   Even if he knows exactly what the other two are talking about, the third person could be hurt simply because he is being excluded.  What he sees is that for some reason, he is not good enough to be included with the other two.  Whether the whisperers are excluding the third person intentionally or they are just mindlessly exchanging information that they didn't think the third person was interested in, the effect is the same.

As social creatures, exclusion creates in us a very distinct kind of pain.  Unfortunately, even though it's felt very acutely, the social pain of exclusion can be inflicted completely unintentionally -- with the perpetrators oblivious to the hurt of their victim.  Since victims don't always share their pain with those who have inflicted it, the perpetrators often remain oblivious, which leaves them prone to hurting people again in a similar way.

May we all be guided and protected from hurting people this way and from being hurt by them.