Human development and tawakkul

In human development, we progress from dependence to independence.  We're born as creatures completely dependent on others for our care and basic nourishment and protection.  As we grow up, we learn to do things on our own and we become more independent.

For some, the development stops here.  They learn to do things on their own and as much as possible they want to do things on their own.  They don't want to have to rely or depend on anyone.  They want to do it themselves.

But there's a level beyond independence.  None of us is perfect and we all have different strengths and weaknesses.  If we can work with others and let their strengths compensate for our weaknesses, we can create a whole that's greater than the sum of its parts.  That's interdependence.

I used to think that the progression ended there.

And then, I realized that there's another step beyond relying on others.

It's tawakkul -- where we depend on God.

I remember reading about Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and how he had a habit of praying an hour every day.  And then when his day was going to be particularly busy and challenging, he would pray even longer.  He knew he needed God's help even more that day.

I'm also learning myself, ever so slowly, that everything comes from God.  He is the Cause of causes.  And if He chooses to grant you something, no one can prevent it from reaching you.  And if He chooses to withhold it from you, there's no way you can get it.

So you make your effort, but the result is up to Him.  So if you don't get what you were striving for, you don't need to beat yourself up about it.  It's not all in your hands.  You don't have control over everything.  You just need to keep trying.

Perhaps His withholding of the thing you wish for is good for you.  Perhaps it's part of a lesson that you will not be able to learn any other way.  Perhaps it's His way of protecting you.  Certainly, He has a good plan in everything.

And when you realize this, somehow life gets a lot less stressful.  You don't put so much pressure on yourself because it's not all up to you.  You learn to accept whatever situation you're in because you know that a higher power and a better planner has put you here.

Now, stepping back and thinking about all this, the truth is, from the beginning, we were completely dependent on God anyways.  So tawakkul, is not so much a new step, but a realization of our original condition.

I got to thinking that's basically what we're doing in being Muslims -- in submitting to God -- we're just being true to ourselves.

Because whether we like it or not, we are servants of God.  We were created as such.  And when we realize that and act accordingly, we're just aligning ourselves with our inner, original nature.

It reminds me of the first line of the Girl Guide promise... "I promise, to be true to myself..."

We've always had a hard time explaining that to the girls.  And now I know it has a deeper meaning than we ever thought.

Ya Nafsu (O My Soul)

Should you not gain your wants, my soul, then be not grieved;
But hasten to that banquet which your Lord’s bequeathed.

And when a thing for which you ask is slow to come,
Then know that often through delay are gifts received.

Find solace in privation and respect its due,
For only by contentment is the heart relieved.

And know that when the trials of life have rendered you
Despairing of all hope, and of all joy bereaved, 

Then shake yourself and rouse yourself from heedlessness,
And make pure hope a meadow that you never leave.

Your Maker’s gifts take subtle and uncounted forms.
How fine the fabric of the world His hands have weaved.

The journey done, they came to the water of life,
And all the caravan drank deep, their thirst relieved.

Far be it from the host to leave them thirsty there,
His spring pours forth all generosity received.

My Lord, my trust in all Your purposes is strong,
That trust is now my shield; I’m safe, and undeceived.

All those who hope for grace from You will feel Your rain;
Too generous are You to leave my branch unleaved.

May blessings rest upon the loved one, Muhammad,
Who’s been my means to high degrees since I believed.

He is my fortress and my handhold, so my soul,
Hold fast, and travel to a joy still unconceived.

By Shaykh Ali bin Husayn al-Habshi, 

translated by Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad 

On being realistic

I don't believe in being realistic.  I believe in things that aren't real, that haven't yet become real.

I need to.  Because the only way I can motivate myself to take action is by believing in a reality that does not yet exist.  I need to believe in a result or outcome that has not yet been seen.  I have to believe that what I do will make a difference -- that the reality, which I see today will not necessarily be the one I see tomorrow.

So please don't tell me to be realistic.  I just don't work that way.

Who says you can't?

There's a lot of work to do out there.  Lots of problems to solve.  Lots of issues to think through.  Big problems.  Big issues.  There's a growing disparity between the rich and the poor, marginalization of various groups of people in our society, juvenile delinquency, pollution, global warming, declining fish stocks, unsustainable and inhumane ways of raising livestock... I could go on... 

Faced with such problems, it's easy to throw up our hands and give up.  Who are we to address these issues?  We're not experts.  We didn't spend our lives studying this in school.  We're not qualified.

Then, I remember something that Dr. Abdal Hakim Jackson said at the Reviving the Islamic Spirit Convention 2011.  He said:

The people who started Harvard University 

were not graduates of Harvard University.

It's so obvious and yet so brilliant.

The patience circle

Shaykh Muhammad Al-Shareef talks about a patience circle.  On the board, he draws a circle that contains all the things that we have patience for, like missing the bus, losing a pen, some things not going as planned, etc.  They're different for different people.  He represents all these as X's inside our patience circle.  Then, there are things that we have a difficult time being patient for.  These are X's outside our patience circle.  

From time to time, we will be tested with those things outside our patience circle. If we try really hard and are able to be patient with these things outside our patience circle, the patience circle grows -- so those X's that used to be outside are now inside.  Conversely, if we're not patient, the patience circle shrinks and even those things that used to be inside, may now fall outside the patience circle.

More than we are

Sometimes, circumstances require us to be more than we are.  Stronger, braver and wiser than we know ourselves to be.  We can retreat, citing our inadequacy.  Or we can step forward, recognizing the need.  We can shrink into the shell of what we know ourselves to be.  Or grow to become more than we are.

Positive deviance

When there's a problem I want to solve, the first thing I do is start analyzing the issue.  I come up with all sorts of theories about the problem and its probable causes.  I can spend ridiculous amounts of time reviewing and analyzing my analysis.  But it doesn't get me any closer to the solution. 

Just knowing that a fixed mindset prevents me from writing doesn't make me more able to write.  That's not to say that this knowledge or awareness is useless.  It's just not enough.  Just wanting to fix something is rarely a sufficient condition to making that change.

What is useful is trying to find incidents of positive deviance.  These are those rare incidents when, instead of things going wrong as usual, things actually go right.  The idea is to learn from those times when things went right and try to replicate them. 

For example, those times when I successfully overcame the paralysis trying to think of something to write, how did I do it?  Or on the days when I woke up early in the morning, how did I do it? (Answers: I used 750words.com to get writing and to wake up early, I slept early.  Sleeping early also requires finding some positive deviance.  One thing I found was that when I exhaust myself during the day, I can't stay up late even if I wanted to).

Positive deviance has been used to fight malnutrition in Vietnam (read more in Switch), Guinea worm in Africa (read more in Influencer) and the spread of infection in hospitals (read more in Better).  With that sort of successful history, it might actually have a chance at helping me write every day and turn myself into a morning person.

A safety net

Imagine a narrow plank, straddled between the tops of two tall buildings on opposite sides of a busy street.  If you were offered a million dollars to walk from one end of the plank to the other, would you do it?  I wouldn't.

What if there was a safety net between the plank and the traffic below?  Then I might give it a shot.

Even though I might never--and certainly don't plan to--use the safety net, its mere presence makes a huge difference.  It's the difference between trying something and possibly succeeding and doing nothing and certainly failing (or at least causing nothing to change).  This is true not just of physical safety nets, but other types of safety nets as well.

In Toastmasters, the group creates a safe environment for members to practice their public speaking.  The safe environment allows people to build their confidence, improve their skills and gain experience, knowing that even if they make mistakes, they're not going to get hurt.  They're safe.

The first few times I took on big projects, I did them knowing that if there was ever anything I couldn't handle, I could turn to my family for help.  If all else failed, I knew they would step in, drive me wherever I needed to go at whatever hour of the night, be the extra pair of hands to keep things from falling apart or offer the listening ear to help me figure out a solution.  Even if I had never ended up needing their help, just knowing that it was going to be there allowed me to try things I would have otherwise shied away from.

The safety net makes a huge difference.  It's the difference between trying and failing, learning and stagnating, daring to make a change and settling for the status quo.

Who's your safety net?  How can you be one for someone else?

Obstacles on the road

Sometimes, the road of life is smooth and easy.

Sometimes, it get's a little bit rocky and uncomfortable.  The road isn't too bad, but it's not good either.  It's certainly not bad enough to consider turning around, retracing your steps and finding a better road.  So you stay on it telling yourself that the road could get better any time now.  You never know what's up ahead.  You chug along.

Then sometimes, the road becomes almost impassable.  Life gets really, really hard. 

Some obstacles on the road give you no choice but to stop.  And think.  What is this road?  Where is it going?  How badly do I want to get there?  Is this the only road that I can take?  Could I try another path?  Would I prefer to go somewhere else?

As frustrating as they are, the obstacles on the road -- especially the really big ones -- give us an opportunity to think, to regroup and to question our goals and assumptions.  Then we can strengthen our resolve to continue on this path or to try another one.

Courage and the comfort zone

I've always admired courage -- speaking out against injustice, challenging the status quo, doing what's right in the face of everyone telling you you're wrong.  That's what makes a hero.  Heroes have the courage of their convictions.  I've been reading about these heroes since I was a kid.

By definition, courage can only be exhibited outside the comfort zone.  Trying to be courageous while staying in your comfort zone is about as meaningful as trying to swim on dry land.  Just as swimming only exists in the presence of water, courage only exists in the presence of fear or uncertainty.

My good friend Nazima reminded me of this today.  Because they are frightening and uncomfortable, it is in those times when the odds seem stacked against us and we don't know how it's going to turn out -- that's when we have the chance to display courage.