I pulled up an old email a while back. It was written four years ago. I wrote it to one of the leaders in my community, telling him about some of the things I hope to work on and achieve, so that he could assign me tasks accordingly. Looking at what I wrote, I realize how much things have changed -- or how much I have changed.
It's not that I'm now opposed to the goals and plans I wrote about. No. I still believe that these are good things to do. But what I see in that email was a tremendous amount of hope and optimism that I have since lost. Reading that email, I'm almost astounded by the naivete of this girl who had and expressed these dreams just a few years back. It's sad. I couldn't imagine writing the same thing now -- or even anything close to it.
Maybe that's just how things go. We have dreams, we try to implement them and when they encounter reality, they get changed, or lost, or broken, or crushed. Then what are we supposed to do? Do we find our dreams again, put them back together and try again? Just the thought of doing that puts a knot in my chest. Or do we stop dreaming -- put these dreams back on the shelf where they will be safe from the hazards of reality and where they will remain as mere dreams? No. I can't do that. What is the point of the day to day struggle if there is nothing to strive for? No, I won't shelve my dreams.
No, I'm going to find those dreams again. I'm going to put them back together and nourish them back to health and try to bring them to reality again. The alternative is just unacceptable.
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