There is a hadith that says, if three people are together, two of them should not whisper to each other in the presence of the third because it would sadden him.
I always thought that third person would be hurt because he would think that the other two were whispering about him.
I realized recently that it's not just that. Even if he knows exactly what the other two are talking about, the third person could be hurt simply because he is being excluded. What he sees is that for some reason, he is not good enough to be included with the other two. Whether the whisperers are excluding the third person intentionally or they are just mindlessly exchanging information that they didn't think the third person was interested in, the effect is the same.
As social creatures, exclusion creates in us a very distinct kind of pain. Unfortunately, even though it's felt very acutely, the social pain of exclusion can be inflicted completely unintentionally -- with the perpetrators oblivious to the hurt of their victim. Since victims don't always share their pain with those who have inflicted it, the perpetrators often remain oblivious, which leaves them prone to hurting people again in a similar way.
May we all be guided and protected from hurting people this way and from being hurt by them.
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