The ant on the carpet

Imagine an ant walking across a carpet.  As he walks, he crosses over fissures and crevices and climbs up and over bumps and mounds of seemingly random colors.  He can't understand what purpose this veritable obstacle course could serve.

Of course, the ant has a very limited perspective.  And if he could see the bigger picture, he would see clearly that the terrain he's walking across is actually a part of the beautiful pattern on a Persian carpet.

As we live our lives, we also have a very limited perspective.  We face obstacles and disappointments and plans change and things often don't go the way we wish they would.

Looking back, though, we can often see that whatever happened was exactly what we needed.

We just didn't know it at the time.

And ultimately, we know that although we might not see it, God always has a beautiful plan for us and things happen exactly as He intends it in His infinite Wisdom and Mercy.

From a Rumi poem related by Shaykh Abdal Hakim Murad in a lecture about relying on God.

Helping classmates

I've been in Indonesia for a few weeks now, visiting family.  One of the things I've noticed here is the strength of social networks.  Like my dad's cohort from university (they're going to have their 40th reunion this year) -- I see how they take care of each other.

One of their classmates has suffered from schizophrenia for years, and they've taken it upon themselves to take care of him.  They collect money and send it to him every week.  My dad gives him assignments to keep him busy.  He let him live in his office for some time (my dad's the dean at a university here, so his office is fairly spacious).  When this classmate went away to Thailand, upon his return, my dad's other classmates asked my dad if he could keep his passport to prevent him from wandering around the world when he's not well.  He willingly gave it to my dad and then my dad gave it back to him after some time.

Another classmate suffered from Parkinsons, so the class collected money to put his children through university.

Often, when someone has a problem, we look for a program or agency to take care of them.

What if we just did it ourselves?

Different ways of dishing advice

A) You are deficient, you need to do this.

B) You have this incredible potential, just imagine if you tried doing this.  Wanna try it?

I think we all know which one is going to work better...

Changing the condition of a people

On how small actions can have a huge impact...

We recite to you from the news of Moses and Pharaoh in truth for a people who believe.  Indeed, Pharaoh exalted himself in the land and made its people into factions, oppressing a sector among them, slaughtering their [newborn] sons and keeping their females alive. Indeed, he was of the corrupters. (Qur'an 28:3-4)

This is the story of a people who were subjected to the oppression of one of the worst oppressors who had ever lived.  Fir'aun divided the Bani Israil, he suppressed a group of them, slaughtered their sons and enslaved their women.  It's hard to imagine a more oppressed community than the
Bani Israil at this time.

And We wanted to confer favor upon those who were oppressed in the land and make them leaders and make them inheritors.  And establish them in the land and show Pharaoh and [his minister] Haman and their soldiers through them that which they had feared. (Qur'an 28:5-6)

But Allah wanted to change the situation.  He wanted to grant them bounty and power on Earth and make them leaders of humanity.

Given their conditions under Fir'aun's rule, what sort of change would be required to take this community from being the most oppressed people to to being leaders of humanity?  It must be something extraordinary.  So what did Allah do next?

And We inspired to the mother of Moses, "Suckle him; but when you fear for him, cast him into the river and do not fear and do not grieve. Indeed, We will return him to you and will make him [one] of the messengers."  (Qur'an 28:7)

The first step that Allah takes to to reveal to Musa 'alaihi salaam's mother to nurse him and throw him in the river if she is afraid for him -- such a seemingly insignificant step in relation to the huge task ahead...

We should never belittle our roles in the process of change.  The entire process may take a long time -- generations in the case of the Bani Israil.  Allah's promise to them was not fulfilled until the time of Sulaiman 'alaihi salam.  But indeed Allah's promise was fulfilled.

Our position now is not worse than the position of the Bani Israil.  And as we have seen Him change their condition, we have confidence that He will change ours.  How and when and by who is up to Him, not up to us.  Our job is to submit to Him and do our jobs in whatever position He has placed us in.  And just as we learn from the example of the mother of Musa 'alaihi salaam, we should never belittle our role in the process of change.

What you do has an impact on who you are

Dr. Abdal Hakim Jackson was really trying to drive this point home at the RIS Knowledge Retreat in 2011.

We often think of who we are -- our personalities and character traits -- as the source from which our actions emanate.  A generous person will give generously.  A patient person will remain calm in the face of distress.  A courageous person will stand up for what is right even at the risk of personal harm.  And people with less than desirable personality traits will do less than desirable actions.

Sometimes we use this reasoning as an excuse for our behaviour.  "Well, I'm just not a patient/brave/(insert any other quality in here) person," we say.  As if our personalities are carved in stone and there's nothing we can do about it.

The thing is, it works the other way around too.

Even if you're not born a generous person, if you keep giving and giving and giving (even if you don't feel like it), these actions will have an effect on your heart.  And over time, you find yourself wanting to give.  You've made yourself into a generous person.

Fake it until you make it...as they say.

So it's not a one-way street.  Just as our inner character traits affect and manifest themselves in the actions of our limbs, the actions of our limbs affect and manifest themselves in our inner character traits.

Not to judge

When facilitating group discussions or a setting up a good working environment, we often talk about a 'safe space' -- a place where people don't get hurt and aren't afraid to get hurt.  One of the ground rules of a 'safe space' is that we're not supposed to judge.

I've always had trouble understanding this one.  What does it mean not to judge?  Don't our minds make judgments automatically all the time?  Is it possible to stop these thought processes and just accept information without interpreting it, linking it with other things and thereby judging it?  Is it really possible not to judge?

At first, I thought that maybe the issue isn't so much in the thoughts but in the actions that result from those thoughts.  It's hard to control our thoughts.  We have a much better handle on actions.

Perhaps not judging really means not letting our thoughts cause us to say things or do things that make people feel hurt -- i.e. things that make people feel less or smaller or wrong or unworthy.  The actions may be very subtle and almost subconscious -- a scoffing, rolling eyes, subtle turning away, a dismissive tone, a condescending attitude.  Maybe it's not so much that we shouldn't judge but that the way we act or the words we say should not make people feel judged.  We should not make people feel hurt or belittled.

Yes, that's true.  We need to make sure we don't hurt people with our actions.

Then, I realized that we can take it a step further than that.  Yes, we can control our thought processes too.  Yes, we can suspend judgment.

It's a matter of consciousness.  And patience.  And humility.

Because to judge inevitably requires making assumptions.  You have evidence of A and then you make assumptions (based on experience or logic) that links A to B.  And you keep making links.  Until you come to the conclusion that a spelling mistake or two or three means that the writer is incompetent or lazy or doesn't care.  Ouch.

That's judging.

And it doesn't have to happen that way.  Sure, there's a spelling mistake.  But it could be there for any number of reasons.  And not judging means that you don't close off possibilities.  And you don't insist on coming to a conclusion. 

Yes, there's a spelling mistake.  But you don't really know why there's a spelling mistake.

This is consciousness.  To know that you don't know.  And to know that there are many possible, perfectly fine explanations behind any piece of evidence.

So you don't close doors.  You leave them open and let more of the story come to you. 

This is where the patience comes in.

It can be uncomfortable not knowing.  Because you realize that you're not in control.  You don't know. 

It takes some humility to accept that.

Ultimately, though, the truth is you really don't know much.  There's a whole life story behind that email.  And you can't possibly know and make conclusions on it based on the placement or misplacement of a single letter.

And if you can just wait and let more of the story come to you, the opportunities and insights and new perspectives and gifts that come through that open door can change your life.

Throwing 90s

There's a really interesting game that you can play to demonstrate strategies in conflict resolution.

In the game, the two parties represent two different oil-producing countries.  In each round of the game, the two countries can choose to set the price of their oil at either $30/barrel, $60/barrel or $90/barrel.

If the two countries set their prices at different levels, the one that sets their prices lower will sell much, much more oil.

If the two countries set their oil prices at the same level, they'll have equal profits.

Clearly, in the long term, it's in everyone's best interest to sell oil at $90/barrel all the time.

The two countries, however, do not communicate with each other.  They set their oil prices independently.  All they can do is look at the past history of oil prices from previous rounds and then use that to decide the price for this round.

So, how does a country maximize profits?

And when a country sets the price of oil at a certain level one round, what message does it send to the other country for the next round?

What happens if you set prices at $90/barrel one round and the other country sets it at $60?  What if the other country set their price to $30?

What would you do the next round?

And then the next?

Is there a simple formula or strategy that will result in the best outcome?

Is there a way to set prices in a way that builds trust between the two countries so that we can get to the optimal outcome?

It turns out there is.

This challenge was posed to a bunch of computer programmers, who came up with different strategies and the one that won turned out to be a surprisingly simple line of code.

Basically, whatever price the other country put up in the last round, that's the price that we choose for this round.  It's tit for tat, a strategy of reciprocation.

Originally this was the strategy that resulted in maximum profits in every game.

And then, someone came up with a strategy that worked even better.

This one said:

Whatever price the other country put up in the last round, that's the price that we choose for this round.  Once in a while, though, throw a 90.

So back to conflict resolution and human relations.  In general, it makes sense to reciprocate the actions of the people you're dealing with.  That's what the first line of code tells you to do.

It's even better, though, if once in a while, you not only reciprocate, but you do something unexpectedly good.  Throw a 90.

It's interesting that this strategy that holds the most potential for mutual gain, is also the most vulnerable position for the one offering it.